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5.9.2021 Check-in with a Change of Perspective

5.9.2021
243.4 pounds

So, this week is very much a flaring week, but also a good and productive week. Monday started with a major flare up and my joints swelling. By Tuesday, I had gain seven pounds of fluid and inflammation. Yes, it is extremely painful. I thought things were under control, until early Saturday morning. I felt my legs swelling back up. Yesterday was miserable. But I was actually down several of those seven pounds. I was at 241. But I hurt. I tried to take it easy, but a friend needed help getting ready for a garage sale he is having. So, I help move large things. Didn’t help me at all. I drank 156 oz of water hoping to flush my system. And this morning I was up 2 pounds. I know this is inflammation. I am really not upset. It just is.

I did walk most days this week. I also kept up my yoga-esque and meditation practices as well. I say yoga-esque because well…I try. And I sometimes resemble the poses and movements. Mostly Hazel laughs while I weeble and wobble my way from pose to pose. But, it is helping my hips a lot, so, I continue to weeble and wooble.

The guided meditation I used today said something finally sunk in. “Allow yourself to be imperfect. The work is done in your imperfection.” So, instead of concentrating on my breath, I thought about imperfection. My imperfection. And I realized that I am no longer on a weight loss journey. Yes, I have lost 80 pounds, and I am proud of that accomplishment. So reasons on purpose and not, I have been stalled since October. This is eight months of bouncing around the same five pounds. I have been angry, frustrated, and sometimes, not very kind to myself.

So, if the path you are on no longer fits you, change your path. And I am. I am moving from a focus on weight loss to a focus on wellness. What are the things I can do to make myself more well? No, considering the litany of autoimmune disorders with which I contend this may seem daunting, but it isn’t. I am not trying to be well. I am working towards being more well. More well…better than before.

Now, the weight loss and wellness journeys have many common attributes. Eating well and exercise are parts of both journeys. But working on my mind, my self-esteem, my happiness, and my surroundings are all part of my wellness. So, what does this mean? It means, I keep working on me. Yes, I am going to continue to be mindful of what I eat. I am going to keep moving and being active. I am going to work on improving my abilities to be healthier. I am making a strategic plan for my life with one, three, five, ten, and 15 year goals. While the goals are flexible, they will be getting me where I want to be. I am creating a life statement…why I am here?…who do I want to be? I am changing my surroundings to fit me.

Speaking of changing surroundings, for those who don’t follow me in Facebook, here are some of the changes I already made to The Hobbit Hole.

And as you move through your day and your week in the cruel, crazy, beautiful world, please remember to be kind, especially to yourself. And help make this world into a world where you want to live.

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