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Check-in 1.16.2021 & Unpacking Some Baggage

Good morning everyone! Let’s lead with good news. I released .8 pounds this week. YAY! I know you can totally see it in the picture! I also got a lot of steps in this morning. More good news, I am working on my Health & Wellness Coach class. I am getting back into my study brain, and it is getting easier. This still may be another intellectual flight of fancy, but it is a lot less expensive than law school was.

I have finished five chapters in the first module. Have I learned anything interesting? Not yet. Most of the information I learned in health class, but 14 was many moons ago. I did find the Mind-Body connection to wellness and the section on mental health interesting. But then, as cerebral as I can be, of course, I did. And after this week, it was good to read up on these issues.

It has been a very emotional week for me, full of self-sabotage, recriminations, and Ida Gaf visits. These times are hard for me because I feel like I have a handle on my emotional/stress eating when I am doing well. Then last week happens, and then I realize I don’t at all. I even acknowledge what I am doing is counter-productive, unhealthy, and will only lead to frustrations. Still, then my old nemesis Ida Gaf shows up with Brunhild, the saboteur, and I am ordering a Cinnaholic Samoa bun.

I was actually down to 244 earlier this week, then my hip went out. And the pain was intense and I ate myself up 11 pounds in two days. Now, I know this isn’t all the Cinnaholic Samoa bun. But the bad eating means my GI tract is backed-up, and it’s time to offer up prayers to Larry, the God of Laxatives. The thing about Larry is his blessings keep giving for several days.

I know this sounds horrid, but I am looking forward to being home at night and cooking just for me. When I cook for myself, my gastric issues are far less. I love my parents, but I am fighting the habits and feelings that got me to 323 pounds. I know this is a small glimpse into my future with them.

I will admit, these are the times I wish I had a partner to support me and distract me. With my family and the social/political upheaval, it would be nice to curl up on the sofa and be held by someone. And then I think about everything else that goes with having a partner, and I am grateful for Hazel. Don’t get me wrong, I am open to a relationship, a monogamous relationship. I just haven’t met anyone who interests me enough to share my space and life. And also, dating at my age is a disaster. Tomorrow, I will tell you all about my last date.

It is a cruel, crazy, beautiful world out there. Please remember to be kind, especially to yourself.

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