12.13.2020 Check-in and Looking Back at 2020

12.13.2020 250 pounds

Good Morning, everyone! Grab your coffee! This is a long one!

First things first, I have not kept my weight under 250. Yesterday, I was 251.3 pounds, and today, 250 pounds. I am not happy with the 7-pound increase in weight, but it has motivated me to make sure I log my food and figure out how to maintain my activity level. While I am still focusing on maintenance, I am trying to eat healthily. This experience reminds me that I will need to be very mindful and keep logging. But I still released 73 pounds. WOW! This is an achievement, especially for 2020.

Ah…2020, the year of infamy. No one expected the ’20s to start out like this. I will honestly say, this year has been the best and worst of years for me. The year started with me learning that my office was closing, and I would be working remotely. I have done this before, and I hate it. I still hate it. I don’t know if I wrote about my work before. I work in advocacy for victim-survivors of domestic and sexual violence. I dislike having my work in my home. It brings complex, negative energy into my sanctuary.

Molly Maguire aka Darth Molly

Then, I made one of the hardest decisions. I put my beloved Molly Maguire, aka Darth Molly, down. She and I were a bonded pair. She was like velcro from the moment I walked in the door until I left. It is devastating when I lose any of my furry ones. But with Molly, it was tough. I swore I would not bring another pet into my home. And we know how that went.

Also, in January, the COVID-19 landed in the US. As states began to close, I knew that Nevada would as well. In February, I slowly started to create a stockpile of necessities. Not a hoard, but an extra TP, an extra flat of chicken, etc. I knew at that time, life would be changing and not for the better. I didn’t know how hard it would be. But I knew if we shut down, if I didn’t find a way to get in control of my health, I would end up looking like Jabba the Hut. So, I made a life-changing decision, I joined Noom to jump-start my lifestyle changes. I have lost weight before, but I was having trouble staying with things. Noom forced me to start and maintain what I needed to do.

Hazel aka Hazel Nut

Then in March, I was getting ready for my last road trip for a while. I was visiting several shelters throughout the state and also doing some training. I told everyone that it would be a while before I would be back in person. While I was driving throughout the state, I knew I could not handle a lockdown alone. So, when I got home, the weekend before the shutdown, a friend and I visited some animal shelters, and Hazel come to live with me. She truly has been a saving grace. She is hysterical and goofy and cute.

In the subsequent months, I learned how to work from home. Fell madly in love with the Hazel Nut. I released 80 pounds (now 73). My health is improving in many ways. My diabetes is getting under control, My cholesterol is as well. I also started getting other parts of my life under control. I began the practice of radical acceptance and self-care. I started to practice financial self-care as well. There is a lot of ease over so many things. So, inside the Hobbit Hole, life wasn’t too bad.

Once I stepped out the door, the world was raging. At over 300,000 deaths, COVID-19 is the number one cause of death in America. They say almost 16 million have recovered. I personally know several people who survived but are not recovered. Their lives are forever altered. And we still don’t know what the long-term effects are. There are vaccines. While I am hopeful, I am also concerned. COVID will only get worse before it starts to get better.

People calling for a civil war. The hatred and racism in this country ignited into firestorms. It truly showed how little has changed in America. I also learned where my tolerance ends. I have removed from or marginalized several people in my life. I decided that I won’t tolerate people espousing hatred, bigotry, and lies in my world. And I am encouraged that many people rejected the rhetoric of the last for years. Hopefully, sanity, kindness, and acceptance will prevail in the coming years.

I developed psoriasis. After a long conversation with my dermatologist about my joint pain, we decided to start me on Tremfya. This biologic suppresses my immune system and makes me vulnerable to respiratory infections–a terrifying place to be during the time of COVID. The cold has also made it difficult for me to maintain my activity. I hurt. And it is frustrating.

Mom passed out and fell in November. She is going through testing to find out why. And she is in a neck brace for a couple of months. Now, I am helping my parents. So, after work, I go over, help her shower, fix and eat dinner with them, and come home. I also do most of their grocery shopping. I am battling fatigue. I am glad this is temporary. But it also gives me a glimpse of the future.

Ah, the future! I am looking forward to 2021, and I will talk about that next week. But please remember, people need kindness this time of year, especially this year. So, please be kind, especially to yourself.

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