I am facing my biggest challenge in improving my health. And it shows on the scale that I am not meeting this challenge well. But, I am determined to find a way to handle my life, mental point of view, and eating. So, here it is. I found 5.6 pounds this week and am at 248.4 pounds. Brunhilda, my saboteur, has been wreaking havoc in my life, health, and finances.
Last week, my mother fell and was in ICU for several days. She is mostly okay. She is in a neck brace for the next three months. However, she takes care of my father, who has mid-stage Parkinson’s and other health issues. She can’t do all she used to do. And now, my parents need help. They need daily help, which means I am with my parents every day. And I am eating with my parents every day. All of my bad habits are coming back. I am stress eating. I am a wee bit ashamed of the amount of ice cream I have consumed.
I am also flaring. My hips, knees, and ankles are hurting me. I have psoriasis breaking out on my elbows and knees. So, with the pain and the time crunch, I am finding it difficult to reach my activity goals.
I am also spending way too much money. I need to stop looking at furniture, curtains, and clothes. I am fine with what I have. I need to review my priorities, get my head back on straight, and get right with my money.
This being said, I am not beating myself up over this. I am trying to write myself back to where I need to be mentally and emotionally to keep my healthy habits and not revert to old comfortable ways. I keep reminding myself that comfortable isn’t healthy. So, being in this perfect storm, AND holidays around the corner, I am thrilled I am still under 250 pounds.
This journey isn’t a straight road. It is an up, down, and topsy-turvy road. On IG and FB, I follow several “fitness” people. I have found, they don’t get the fat mindset. They think someone shouldn’t be “ruled” by the scale or having to log and monitor food for your whole life. The reality is, I probably will. This struggle doesn’t end when I get down to 150 pounds. This will be a forever road. It will be different, but these battles will forever be waged.
What I know is that I have the tools, knowledge, and skills to do this. I need to find and keep my will. I will log my food. I will walk as I can. So, I am going to attempt to write more here. I am also going to be more active on the FB groups that support me. They understand where I have been, my struggles, and the frustrations.
I hope everyone has a great day today. I have lots of chores to keep me busy. I am creating a curriculum vitae, visiting my budget. But now, I am heading over to my parents’ and dropping off the groceries I purchased this morning for them.
In this cruel, crazy, beautiful world, please remember to be kind–especially to yourself.