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Behind the Smile…

Every day when I take my walk, I post a picture of me and a screenshot of the FitBit app to show what I did. It also posts to my FaceBook. I wish everyone a good morning, mention anything of note, and wish everyone a good day. And in my pictures, I usually have a great big smile.

I smile because I am happy I made the walk. I am thrilled that I am walking at all. Those who know me remember the several years I was on a cane. Because of the pressure my weight put on my lower back and hips, I could not stand for more than two minutes.

I smile because I love the changes I am making. I can see the results in my body, and I am ecstatic. This morning I was 66 pounds down. I can walk and fit into my car better. I no longer feel like a beachball with feet. I feel almost normal.

But behind the smile is also a great deal of pain. While losing weight makes it easier to stand, walk, and do things. It has also reduced the pressure on my hips and lower back. I still hurt—a lot. My ankles, knees, fingers, wrists, toes, and well, most of my joints just hurt. I honestly don’t think it matters how much I lose; I think I will hurt.

It is very frustrating that it took 10 years of living in pain to finally be heard–to hopefully have a solution. I am hoping the Tremfya will help with the pain. The actual rashes are subsiding because of the application of a lot of steroid creams. But the pain still persists.

Hearing that psoriatic arthritis is an issue in my world wasn’t an earth shocker. It was just another name for what I have been feeling for a decade. However, this name has a treatment. Whereas fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome don’t. And because they don’t, they are really believed to be a real affliction.

But I still smile every day. I smile because I am happier than I have been in a long time. I am making changes to better my life in every way. I am happy that I have a little bit of hope for relief. I also smile because no matter if the pain stays or lessens, it will not stop me from living a really cool life (for a hobbit living in the city.)

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