I am doing a lot of deep breathing right now. I just got back from the doctor’s office, and the spot on my elbow is psoriasis, not eczema. Psoriasis is basically my inflammation and autoimmune issues attacking my skin. It may come and go, or it may be permanent. It may remain localized on my elbow, or it may spread.
My body has the right to be very angry with me. I have neglected and abused it for years. My body’s anger shows up as many different health issues, including inflammation and auto-immune issues, Type 2 diabetes, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue. So, it is no surprise that psoriasis has developed.
I find it ironic that I am reading The Body Keeps the Score, which is about trauma survivor’s minds and body handle trauma. (I have been diagnosed with CPSTD. Much of the abuse to my body can be traced to poor trauma coping skills. Hence, why I am re-reading this book.)
Right now, all I can think is that this one more freaking health thing I have to manage. I am so close to getting some of the health issues resolved. My last A1C level was 6.5, almost into pre-diabetes range, my liver enzymes are reasonable, and my cholesterol is getting closer to normal. In September, I am supposed to be discussing getting off some medication, and here is yet another thing. Right now, we are going to try to manage it with creams.
I am breathing. I am working on giving my body grace. I am putting down The Body Keeps the Score for a minute. I am picking up Radical Acceptance. I think my mind and body need a little support.