I have never treated my body better than I am now. I am eating well and very healthily. I am not on a diet. I am logging what I eat and my calories, but no bizarre restrictions or eating habits. I am just eating simple, clean food that is well-seasoned. I am eating proper proportions. I am exploring new recipes and menus. I am walking when my body feels well enough. When I don’t feel well, I don’t push myself.
So, after four months (out of 51 years) of treating my body well and practicing some radical self-care, my body decided to revolt. (Okay, there have been many pretty violent revolutions over the years, this is just the latest squirmish.)
This battle started earlier this week, with an eczema outbreak. Yesterday, I saw a small spot starting on my right elbow as well. This only happens when my immune system is running amuck. I bought some cortisone cream. I have started using it multiple times a day. Hopefully, it will clear up. If not, it is doctors, more testing, and more meds. I have been through this before, and the bloodwork always says that I have inflammation, but then no-one really figures out what is causing it. A couple of years ago, my labs were sent to a rheumatologist, they declined to see me.
This morning, I was lying in bed, wondering if I was going to walk further today about 2.25 miles. I stepped out of bed and said, “Oh, no!” So, I got ready and stepped on the trail to walk the 1.5 miles. And I turned around and went home. My hip hurt, and I need to rest it. Now, my hip started acting up a couple of weeks ago, but I thought I was sleeping in a poor position. But now, my joints are swollen, not as bad as before the weight loss, but the inflammation is there. So, with my hip hurting, and swelling of my joints combined with the eczema outbreak, I think this might be a little more systemic.
So, my response to my body’s latest revolt is more radical self-care. This morning after my shower, I look at my naked self in the mirror. I acknowledged that my body has every right to be angry with me. For 51 years, I treated my body with loathing and disdain. I overate, ate bad-for-me-but-oh-so-yummy food, and didn’t move. When I did make changes, I held my body hostage and subjected it to extreme diets and exercise.
So, I told my body that I love her. I thanked her for sustaining me through 51 years of inhumane treatment. I am genuinely sorry for how I treated her for years. I vowed to my body that treating her well is my top priority. Most importantly, I love her. I accept her anger. I will do better.
And I am resting, and drinking a lot of water. The food going into my body will be healthy. I am using cortisone cream and quality lotion on my skin. If this doesn’t resolve by the end of the week, I will see the doctor. Most importantly, I will look in the mirror and tell myself, “I love you.”